Hi boys. I’ve realised that despite your best intentions, most of you suck at buying gifts and you’re pissing us all off. We don’t want Alex Monroe bee necklaces, we don’t want potted plants and we certainly don’t want anything with ‘slimming’, ‘sculpting’ or ‘lifting’ on the packaging. Granted something is better than walking in empty handed, nothing says ‘I don’t give a shit’ like a candle. Rather than rolling into John Lewis on Christmas Eve and snatching up the first inoffensive item you find, remember this: putting in some thought will most certainly make her happy and in most cases, get you laid. Do I have your attention? With the spirit of spreading festive cheer in mind, I felt obliged to step in and give you all a helping hand. Whether you’re catering to edgy Edith or traditional Trish, this list has something to satisfy even the most high maintenance of ladies. The best part of it all is that you won’t have to darken a single department store doorway. It’s all available online.
Like Agent Provocateur but cheaper so for that reason, better.
You may think these shoes are weird, but we don’t.
Haven’t you heard? We like it when you’re attentive. Buying an ear cuff implies you love to listen, even when we’re talking about accessories.
ASOS Black Sweater £50- because Byzantine embellishment is chic and ASOS is your friend.
Tom Ford Make up – Absolutely anything will be well received. This lipstick and nail varnish are fail safe classics but feel free to go (semi) wild.
Because sometimes we want to be fake rude girls and because buying Kenzo looks like you’ve paid attention. It’s had a renaissance and we’re all into it.
You love J Crew, we love J Crew. It makes sense doesn’t it?
Nothing appeals to our inner pre-teen quite like an over priced Alice in Wonderland light feature. Not sure who wouldn’t want a toadstool or radioactive bunny illuminating their bedroom (do you hate joy and rainbows too?)
Cara D, Rosie Fortescue, Lauren Regan (lol) – in other words, sunnies for the cool cats. I love this brand for their classic and universally flattering frames and super reasonable price point. These blue and tortoiseshell numeros are my #1 but a classic chica might prefer the cats eye pair.
You’re welcome x