Buzzfeeds ‘Which Disney Character are you? quizz tells me that I’m Jasmine. Aside from being a daddy’s girl and enjoying a fully colour co-ordinating outfit, we are nothing alike. Last time I checked, the film was called Alladin, not Jasmine and I refuse to play a deuteragonist in anyone’s life show. But I’m also a real person who exists, so I’m neither Nala, Belle, Aurora or Jasmine – however, if I had to pick a Disney character to ‘be’ it would probably be Ariel.
Being the daughter of King Triton certainly has its perks. Spending every day in your bikini, enjoying a seafood rich diet and being followed around by an adoring posse of singing crustaceans are what teenage dreams are really made of. Best of all though, is the hair. The benefit of being under water makes it an ideal location for slo-mo hair flicking, skinny dipping and of course salty, sexy mermaid locks – which is why we are all gathered here today.
I’ve never met a Mermaid, but I assume they’d smell like coconuts, rum, Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil and some sort of obscure Tahitian flower that resembles a vagina. They would also have silky tresses, falling in long, undulating curls down their bare, brown backs and it would be fabulous, chic and sexier than the set of the Wicked Game music video. If you feel this is something you could get excited about, and would possibly like to emulate, you should procure a set of Mermaid Hair shampoo and conditioner pronto.
Why? Aside from its adorable, retro packaging and feel good pastel pink label, it contains very few ingredients, doesn’t test on animals, and is free from sulfates and any ingredient ending in ‘ethyl’. Whilst all of these features are ethical and swell, the real reason we love Mermaid Hair is for its incredible, tropical smell. It’s like a piña colada mauled you on a bed of shredded coconut and orange blossom – but in your hair. It’s wonderful and will have you shoving your silken locks up the nose of anyone that will listen (or indeed, sniff). ‘Smell my hair!’ I scream for the fifth time at my boyfriend/sister/colleague/cat. They all seem impressed.
I imagine this is the sort of scent that would distract a lot of teenage boys – it’s very Blue Lagoon, very coming of age, very second base on the beach and I’m really really into it.
So now it’s time for me to sniff my hair again whilst you guys hit the Liberty’s website. It’s been a pleasure.
£26 from Liberty’s – buy it here.